Reclaiming Menopause as Transformation

Dear Land Loved...

I can feel my body shifting into a new phase. Perimenopause, maybe? There are subtle signs and feelings. My hair especially feels different. My body is softer and slower. I'm doing my best to appreciate the health my body does possess, but I'm also grappling with the reality that this means my fertility is waning. Even though children are not something I've planned or dreamed of in my adult life, this still stings. I feel sad thinking maybe I didn't fulfill a purpose my body was made for. I fear I'll lose something more than just fertility. I guess I don't have a question per se, but it feels odd to go from maiden to crone with nothing in-between. I don't feel ready.

I hear you. Let’s dive in.

“Perimenopause” isn’t a word I love. My mentor, Susun Weed, put it beautifully: there is no “peripuberty,” so why “perimenopause”? If you’re noticing changes and wondering if it’s menopause—then it’s menopause. Menopause is not an ending but an initiation, a winding transformation. We can live as Crones for more than half our lives. The Change is here. I began menopause at 35, and the gift of noticing early is that you can prepare. I highly recommend Susun Weed’s book New Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way. It’s binge-worthy—a true role model and guide in a sea of nonsense meant to discredit and medicalize a woman’s experience.

Yes, hair changes are common. As hormones shift, hair may thin, change texture, or sprout in new places. Herbs can help nourish us through it. Stinging nettle infusion is my favorite ally for hair. It’s rich in protein, B vitamins, vitamin E, iron, and minerals. Drunk regularly (2–4 cups daily), it restores thickness, luster, and body. I’ve written a free guide on making nourishing herbal infusions you can check out here.

Yes, during menopause your body changes. Women who gain weight in menopause often experience milder hot flashes, denser bones, and an easier transition. Fat cells help convert androstenedione (from the adrenals and ovaries) into estrone, the main post-menopausal estrogen. Weight gain is not only normal, it’s healthy and beneficial.

Yes, fertility wanes—and the feelings that arise deserve space. Transition requires mourning. It’s okay to grieve for the children you never had or will not have. When I chose not to have children, I mourned the daughter I would never meet. I cried, journaled, and created rituals to honor and release that path. Grief is part of stepping into Cronehood. To become Crone—She who holds her wise blood within—we must release the fertile self, the Mother, the Life-giver. 

But let’s be clear: you are not skipping straight from Maiden to Crone. You have lived through your Mother phase, whether or not it involved children. That energy flowed somewhere. For me, it became gardens, cats, creative work, a business, community, and women’s groups. For you, it may be other creations, nurturings, and commitments. I invite you to journal or create an inventory of all you’ve given life to. You have not gone from Maiden to Crone with nothing in between—you’ve bled and lived the fullness of your fertile years. You are no Maiden.

In Susun Weed’s book, there’s a ritual I love: the Crone’s Crowning, intended for women at the peak of menopause. It involves creating an altar to your Mother years, saying goodbye, giving death to that altar, and then calling in Crone energy and creating a Crone altar. Finally, you crown yourself Crone. It’s deeply empowering.

“The menopausal years, the climacteric years, constitute an enormous Change. And Change is a challenge. A challenge each woman will meet in her own unique way. You may feel at times like a stranger in your own body, confused by your own feelings, uncertain and afraid of the Change taking place in your own being. You may feel, perhaps with fear, the “you” that you have known for so many years dying, as your last menses become memories.” Susun Weed, New Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way.

As for not feeling ready, I’ll tell you a secret. No one does. Feelings of readiness rarely accompany stepping into the unknown. Think of how much you changed between ages ten and sixteen—you will change just as profoundly through menopause. The beauty is, now you have the chance to prepare.

• Nourish yourself deeply with herbs and whole foods; a well-nourished body moves

  through transformation with greater ease.

  
  

• Learn about hot flashes (wisdom downloads), flooding, and Crone goddesses.

  
  

• Make friends with death.

  
  

• Create literal and emotional space for solitude.

  
  

• Meet your inner Wise Woman Crone and listen for her voice.

  
  

Menopause is the chrysalis of a woman’s life. First comes the building of the cocoon—the quiet preparation, the retreat from old patterns. Then the melting, sometimes chaotic, sometimes disorienting, when the familiar self dissolves into raw essence. Slowly, with patience and self-compassion, new forms emerge: wings of wisdom, strength, and freedom, delicate yet resilient. Finally, she rises, a Crone-butterfly, luminous, knowing, and fully herself, carrying the beauty of all she has lived.

If you’re looking for a safe, supportive space to share your dreams, fears, and discoveries, I offer Shamanic Counselling sessions. I’m especially passionate about guiding women through major life transitions, including menopause, helping you navigate this time with clarity, support, and empowerment.

With love,

Vanessa 🖤